Just Lost

I roam around this world
Aimless and without meaning
Wondering what my purpose is.
I am at the twilight of my youth entertaining my later years.
I still do not know anything.
How will I function here?
They look to me for answers.
I can only offer them comfort.
I find myself lacking.
I question everything.
I believe little.
I see ulterior motives everywhere.

Why would my life be simple?
Why would I deserve that?
I judge myself harshest.
I know what I deserve.

Clarity.

I feel trampled by grief.
Grief for my life.
Grief for my station.
Grief for my inability to see through the fog.
How long must I wear this black veil?

My life has been passing me by.
But I have yet to live a day.

My goals.
What goals?
As soon as I am tethered toward them,
They sink like quicksand,
I follow,
Then it all turns to shattered dreams.
I grieve over again.
The cycle remains.

ENOUGH!!

What do you do when you realize that you do not add up to much in the eyes and perceptions of your immediate family?
They are the one's that are suppose to be at your back to allegedly care and nurture you.
I should feel sad.
All I feel is anger.
What a waste of a life.
I have less time ahead of me and NOW I have discovered this truth?
What sort of Hell is this?
I need to rebuild now.
NOW?
I am not talking financial dilemma,
Although it is a factor.
I am talking about my own personal world.
My home front.
The one I keep separate from everything.
I do not trust my brother.
I do not care for my sister.
If I do not interact with my other sister for ten years it would not be soon enough.
I have an aunt that will betray me just to feel that she is in control.
Then  there is my uncle.
I find myself beginning to hate him.
I am stuck here.
I want to leave.
What do I do?
WHAT DO I DO!!?
The farthest I can go is the high desert.
Only because I still need to work.
I feel that it is still not far enough.